1 in 4; 1 in 8; 1 in 100
These are stats that I’m all too familiar with. Why me. Why do I have to fit in to not 1, not 2 but all 3?
1 in 4. This is not women who will have a miscarriage, but pregnancies that will end in one. This statistic is often misunderstood that it is 25% of women, not 25% of all pregnancies. Unfortunately, I know what it feels like to grieve in silence. I felt like my world fell apart, the hole I went into was so dark that some days it was hard to see light. I am one a one in four.
1 in 8. Couples who are affected by infertility in the US. Couples who no matter how hard they are trying, no matter what they are doing, are not able to get or stay pregnant. My journey through infertility was different than most in the world of infertility. We all have our own roads to travel and no one’s is more difficult than another, just different. I was originally able to get pregnant on my own, and then miscarried. After a second miscarriage, we met with a fertility specialist because of my previous struggles with endometriosis. After rounds of clomid, more miscarriages, rounds of injections, round of this and rounds of that, some started out good with high numbers and then by the time the 2 week mark came, nothing. Some resulted in early miscarriages. IVF was attmpted twice. Again, we had 1 miscarriage through IVF and then finally, I had to make a call. A very difficult call due to a medical condition, I had to choose me. I was not far enough along in a pregnancy where the babies would have been viable without me, but without the care, I may not have survived. I was getting pregnant, my body was rejecting every pregnancy and responding in all sorts of ways. There was no explanation, no tests that could prove anything was wrong to cause any of this. Just that my body was in essence killing every child that was placed there-naturally or via IVF. I felt like a complete failure. I was trying to create what so many other get have, what society tells us that we as women are supposed to do, yet…I couldn’t. I am one in eight.
1 in 100. Women will have reoccurring miscarriages. This usually means 3 or more. This was us. This was me. No matter what we tried, no matter what we did I could not stay pregnant. Not only did this make me feel like was a failure as a woman, but a failure as a wife. I could not provide the one thing society tells us a wife is supposed to do-grow a family. I could not answer that question of ‘when are you guys going to have kids?’ So I quit going out, I withdrew and began to throughly enjoy the comfort of home. This is my shelter, this is my peace, this is my silence. I am one in one hundred.
