The storm…
Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.
-Haruki Murakami
My Mission
My mission is to make sure everyone has a place where they can feel heard, seen and understood. Unfortunately, there were several years where I was surrounded by loving, caring people; but yet, felt none of these things. It was not for their lack of trying. I painted on happy faces when it was necessary and cried in the shower where no one could see me. Letting everyone know I was doing well when they asked; however, realistically, I felt like I was dying inside. The storm that was building inside me was the size of a category 5 hurricane and the overwhelming emotions changed me forever. I know I am not the same person I was before this journey started. I know that I took the pieces of my shattered heart and put them back together in the best way I knew how and those pieces fit differently. Some pieces are missing, some pieces are in backwards, some pieces are upside down. My fractured heart is now unbroken. It is healing in a new way. It is not the same as it was and it never will be. This is the new me. This is my new unbroken self trying my best to make it. Is it hard? Hell yes. Do I still have days I take longer showers because I need to get all my tears out in there, you bet. But every day, I am learning to find ways to care for my unbroken healing heart.
So often, the butterfly symbolizes all of the children who have flown from this world by way of miscarriages. For me that was six times too many.. Six personal losses and three more we grieve along with the family who was destined to adopt them through embryo adoption. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, they flew from this world as well. I grieve for them as well.
I am hopeful that this site will help anyone who feels at all the way that I did. You are not alone. There is strength in numbers. You are strong. You can do this. One day at a time. There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make this better other than you are not alone, I hear you, I feel your pain. Your anger is valid, your sadness is valid, your tears are valid.
The second half of my site is to assist anyone who wants to know what to or not to say to someone who has had a miscarriage or who is struggling with infertility. I would love to answer questions and assist in any way that I can. Please reach out and let me know how I can help!