I remember talking about wanting to start a family prior to getting married. We talked about my endometriosis and what kind of complications that could bring when we tried to start a family. Getting pregnant did not come easy to us. We were married in October and our first positive pregnancy test was 7 months later in early May. I remember this day so clearly. I took 3 tests before I ran out of the house to the deck. My husband was working in the back yard and I said look, it’s faint, but it IS there! It’s POSITIVE!!!!

This blog is titled Mother’s Day because there are some days that I still to this day struggle with. Mother’s Day, besides the obvious, is one of those days. We had shared our excitement with my husband’s family, my parents, my brother and sister earlier in the week. We were hosting my family for a Mother’s Day/re-roofing the house party. I was so excited I thought it would be a great idea to take this opportunity to everyone else (I have an incredibly supportive very large family). So I got cupcakes and put tiny little babies on them-looking back, now I see why it is a 1st trimester completion until you share news…

We even made it through Father’s Day that year pregnant. Which was an exciting time for my husband as well. Ten and a half weeks later, we went in to hear the heartbeat at our appointment. We were told the baby was no longer attached and there was no heartbeat. We should expect to miscarry in the next few days. My heart broke on that table, having to walk out into that waiting room with all the pregnant mothers was the worst feeling in the world.

The next day, the bleeding started and I was admitted into the Emergency Room and miscarried. For me, I love celebrating my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters and all my beautiful mama bear friends on Mother’s Day all who are raising or have raised amazing, confident, strong children I am so blessed to have in my life. But it is also a day I cry a little longer in the shower, a day that triggers emotions of that first little angel baby of mine. A day that reminds me I almost had it all.